This past Saturday, the Archon Society hosted their Tops vs. Bottoms party, for the second year in a row. I interpret the theme to be a nod to the queer community. Its intention is for partygoers to wear only a top or only a bottom to signal to others which one they are; i.e. which role they take up when engaging in homosexual intercourse. 

This event really transforms the Q in LGBTQ+ to mean questioning: “Wait, so what are we supposed to wear?” “So if I’m a top, do I wear a top or a bottom?” “I’m really not allowed to go naked?” Still, if Yik Yak and party attendance are any indicator, the party was a success. Nonetheless, in this political climate, with everything going on in the world, it is imperative that the Kenyon community discusses the moral implications of Tops vs. Bottoms. This could be the most pressing issue of our time. 

I’d like to start by extending gratitude to the Archons. Firstly, because anyone willing to put in the work to host a party for this campus should be applauded. Secondly, because they have provided me with a solid topic for my favorite activity: engaging in queer discourse. Of course, nothing is that deep. We are in a post-meaning age where signs and labels are fluid; where we can assume the shirtless guys wearing khakis are not actually trying to tell us anything about their sexual preferences. But I’m an overthinker. I’m not super into attending a party half-naked where what I’m wearing will be misconstrued as insight into any sexual life I may or may not have. 

At a school as culturally queer as ours (and I’m saying this with just the right amount of irony), it is worth talking about how an all-campus party like Tops vs. Bottoms can bring queer concepts into the mainstream to the point where they lose significant meaning and aren’t even so queer anymore. I wonder if this event triggers the same train of thought for those aforementioned boys in khakis, but Tops vs. Bottoms has been making me think about what exactly makes a party queer. And from there I’m just dying to think about Kenyon’s queer culture more broadly — the interplay between private relationships and public aesthetics that make countless people comfortable calling our campus a gay one. 

I love that queerness is so accepted at Kenyon, but I also want to take the time to stop and think about what it really means to be queer. In my ability to actually be queer, date girls and go to “queer parties,” I miss the theoretical queerness that used to envelop me. I’m yearning for the overthinking and label policing of my youth. In high school, I figured out my lesbianism in the context of getting zero play and being chronically online. Tops vs. Bottoms feels in sharp contrast to my being a gay loser.

Here’s my conclusion: Tops vs. Bottoms, as a party, is not my vibe. As a topic of discourse, however, I really must tip my hat to the Archons. Thank you for your contribution to Kenyon’s queerness. I’m sorry to throw your queer party under the bus (contributing to rising rates of gay-on-gay crime), but this is how I want to contribute to creating some good old fashioned gay fun on this campus. 

So maybe I’m just feeling nostalgic for my youth, or I’m really just that much of a buzzkill, but I don’t want to dance! I want to discourse! I’ve been off TikTok for a while, so forgive me if these topics are passé, but what do you think of “bisexuals and their boyfriends”? Or for some Kenyon-based fodder, did you know in our adherence to the AP style guide, the Collegian won’t print neopronouns? Thoughts? We could discuss Kenyon’s astounding ability to churn out metrosexuals (especially when paired with what I’ve heard is a real shortage of gay men). Or perhaps it’s finally time for a public reckoning on whether your straight professor using the term “partner” counts as queerbaiting. 

I don’t know. We could talk about anything. This is what I like about being gay and being in a place as gay as Kenyon. We can discuss this stuff that may make our alumni readers scratch their heads. That’s all I want to do! Aren’t you glad I wasn’t at Tops vs. Bottoms?

Dalia Fishman ’27 is a philosophy and religious studies major from McLean, VA. She can be reached at fishman2@kenyon.edu.