During spring break, the Office of Residential Life (ResLife) completed inspections of all residential spaces on campus. To spare my readers the details, I would estimate that there are about 50 confiscated kitchen appliances sitting in the ResLife office. I understand that there are safety rules and regulations that the College has to abide by, which is why I originally intended for this article to have a respectfully indignant tone. However, upon further review of my broader feelings about how Kenyon chooses to treat its student body, I adjusted my stance. The way Kenyon treats its students can be unnecessarily harsh and patently ridiculous, and I am mad about it. 

Amid declining alumni support, the great air fryer siege of 2026 is a perfect example of a reason for this trend. I’m sure that quite a few parents are in the loop as well, but for those who don’t know: The way the College enforces rules (which are often not even reasonable) can be so obnoxious at times that it can seriously tarnish a four-year tenure on the Hill. Allow me to clarify what I mean. 

 Sure, maybe my airfryer and rice cooker are a fire safety violation and I should ship them home, but it seems like modern kitchen appliances are no more dangerous than my ancient artifact of a stove wrapped in tin foil that glows red and wisps smoke when I turn it on, no? Even if I am wrong about that, it’s wholly unnecessary to give students no warning, confiscate the items without return and proceed to send them emails charging $15 (for each) in addition to charging me $15 per Peirce dish found in my residence. Yes, keeping your toothbrush in a Pierce cup will cost you! Perhaps my moral compass is compromised and I ought to be ashamed for allowing a Peirce cup and two butter knives to find their way to my kitchen throughout an entire school year. But even so, $15 each? Your Honor, cruel and unusual punishment! 

The nonsense continues. I also returned to find my bedroom within my apartment locked from the outside. Unlike ResLife, my housemates are not thieves, so I haven’t had to lock my room all year and have thus left my key in my desk since August. I can’t prove it, but I just know that the Office of Campus Safety was waiting for that phone call to unlock it for me and charge me for that as well. Luckily, I was able to avoid that one by sitting outside my door and praying, and definitely not by picking the lock, which would be a violation of school policy. Kenyon chooses to nickel and dime if not altogether antagonize students at every turn, and it’s done extremely obnoxiously! The examples are endless, and they don’t get any more reasonable. 

This problem exists throughout the College, not just ResLife. I understand that there are rules that need to be enforced, but this does not excuse the obnoxious and non-understanding manner in which they do it. Earlier this semester, I had three College offices aggressively threatening to hold my course registration: firstly, the Cox Health and Counseling Center was after me for not meeting immunization requirements. No, I’m not anti-vax. I took the first dose of the meningococcal B vaccine 6 months ago and am now due for the second dose. Yes, the College needs to ensure students are properly vaccinated, but these instances are all part of the bigger picture. Next, juniors were required to meet with the Office of the Registrar about graduation requirements. I am well on track to graduate, but hadn’t booked my appointment to confirm this  information that is readily available to them. Yes, the College has to ensure that everyone meets graduation requirements. Do they have to send an email in red all-cap font threatening to hold my registration? I think not. Finally, I had an unpaid student balance in my account from registering my car. Should I have paid that? Yes. Could the College relax and allow their students to register for classes without being obnoxious? Certainly. 

I understand that College students are hard to control at times, and that rules need to be upheld for safety and fairness. However, this is no reason for the College to police and harass students for any and all reasons it sees fit, nickel and dime constantly and generally treat them with very little respect. I’m willing to bet that the vast majority of recent Kenyon graduates feel similarly about what I’ve just described, and if not, have mistreatment stories of their own from other offices throughout the College. Yet, for reasons that will never be clear to me, the College chooses to leave a bad taste in the mouth of those that love Kenyon dearly for other reasons. The administration can feel free to sweep this article under the rug like they do with everything else, but don’t come asking the current era of students why alumni support continues to dwindle in the coming years. Robbie Lifson ’27 is a political science and psychology major from Sudbury, MA. He can be reached at lifson3@kenyon.edu.