Charlie: Did you see how long the Chef Naveen line was? Thank goodness I had a friend at the front who I could sneak in line with! People should cut more often — it saves you so much time.
Julissa: I support the cause, honestly. Line cutting is a really good way to catch up with a friend you haven’t seen in a while and assert your dominance by dodging the grunts and eye rolls from the people behind you.
Charlie: If line cutting is such a bad thing, why has no one ever called me out for it? Stop whispering to your friend about me and just say something already.
Julissa: Exactly! Until someone is down to fight in the servery during Hot Dog Monday, I’m gonna keep cutting that line.
Charlie: Same. I am kind of curious what people think about me always skipping the line, though. Maybe we should just go cut people in line and ask them? See what they say when they actually have to talk about it!
During the Wednesday lunch rush, we asked Geoffrey Deng ’29 his thoughts on line cutting, and he said: “Um, I usually don’t cut in line. I feel kind of bad when I do. It’s a respect thing. I don’t know. But honestly, I don’t really care when people do it, I just hold myself to my own morals, and then I don’t really care about others.”
But Kendall Clark ’26 described her position as: “Anti… I do it, though. It feels morally wrong, [and] the big groups of people, not okay. … [But] I feel like I do it once every two months, you know, moderation.”
Charlie: Moderation is good. Sinners can repent, you know! Speaking of sinners, we decided to ask people about the serial cutters themselves: the men’s lacrosse team!
When asked about men’s lacrosse cutting him in line at Peirce Express, Wyatt Strawbridge ’27 said: “I’m pissed. I’m pissed, yeah.”
Men’s lacrosse midfielder Alex Haag ’28’s response: “You can say whatever you want. I mean, I don’t know. I’m not PR trained for this.”
Julissa: Hmm, seems like between practice and lift, these boys need some media training to beat all their allegations. Let’s lay down the etiquette for line cutting. You can do it occasionally or even every day. You just need to be slick. No big groups. Hurry up getting your spicy lo mein noodles and always thank the Peirce workers!
Charlie: I always say thank you! Now I’m going to use this column as an excuse to cut in line with Alex.
Julissa: I hope you get canceled on Yik Yak. Just make sure you don’t leave your squad at the back of the Harry Potter dinner line. You’ll end up eating Hufflepuff pizza by yourself on Old Side.
Charlie: No need to leave them behind when I’m using them to cut. It might be unethical, but everyone does it. Honestly, I’d rather someone throw hands than keep quiet. Until we hold each other accountable, the easiest way to not get cut is to cut others. If you’re good at getting away with it, keep doing it — I won’t say anything. If men’s lacrosse are sinners, so am I.
Julissa: Next time you’re mad about getting cut, say it to their face. Or don’t, because you’re too far back in line.
Julissa Escoffery ’27 is a neuroscience major from Phoenix. She can be reached at escoffery1@kenyon.edu.Charlie Menzel ’28 is a religious studies major from Greencastle, IN. He can be reached at menzel1@kenyon.edu.