Hi babe (I feel like I can call you “babe,” because I read this column religiously),
I got dumped real bad about a year ago. We’re talking “I was so hurt I straight up don’t believe in love anymore” bad. My ex and I tolerate each other, but my friends HATE her. Every day someone — or multiple people — sends me a text (or snap) about where they see her/what she’s doing. It makes me feel bad, especially since I’m still in love with her. How do I tell them to stop?
Feeling Like the NSA
Dear Feeling Like the NSA,
I’m sorry to hear about your breakup. People tend to forget that it’s OK to still care about your ex and feel hurt, even months later. But it is.
If what your friends are doing makes you feel terrible, tell them. Just send a, “Hey, I appreciate you stalking the devil incarnate, a.k.a. my ex, but it isn’t helping me get over her, and quite honestly I’d rather not know what she’s up to 24/7” text. Or tell them in person. I’m sure once you say their updates are actually detrimental to you, rather than a kind warning of her whereabouts, they’ll cease sending them.
I have a hard time believing in love, too. The kind of one-person-for-everyone, soulmate type of love. When you’ve been burned badly, it makes you think you’ll die alone with 45 ferrets and a close relationship with the Arby’s drive-thru-window person. But that’s not your future. One day your ex will be just a memory and you’ll meet someone who reminds you that it’s OK to fall in love. Maybe love is realizing that after the fall, you can pick yourself up again and be all right. I think you’ll be just fine.
All my love,
Emily Sakamoto ’16 is an English major with a concentration in creative writing and a minor with messing in people’s personal lives, whether they ask for the advice or not, from North Oaks, Minn. Contact her at email@example.com.