Section: Opinion

Dear Emily 2/25

Dear Emily,

I’m a junior and I’m still a virgin. I’m scared that any future partners I have will be freaked out by it because they’ll assume something is wrong with me. Is there any hope for me?

Sincerely,

[Like] A Virgin

Dear [Like] A Virgin,

Hey, listen to me — there is hope. Don’t convince yourself even for a second you’re weird or that there’s no hope or there’s something wrong with you. I hate that society has made it so if you’re 21 and a virgin you think all is lost. Because it isn’t. Being a virgin in college is OK. Being a virgin after college is OK, too. It’s your choice, and always has been, always will be.

If a future partner assumes there’s “something wrong” with you because you haven’t had sex before, they’re a dick. I mean it. If they judge you for that, it’s because they’re either insecure about themselves or completely socially unaware. And you don’t need either of those traits in a partner — you’re better off alone. The right person isn’t going to pressure you or judge you. That sounds corny as hell, I know. But here’s the thing — it’s all about comfort. If you’re comfortable with someone enough to tell them you’re a virgin, and you’re comfortable enough with them to sleep with them, it’s probably right. But if you’re worried about how they’ll take it, if you’re nervous and anxious, I’m going to go ahead and say they’re probably not the right person. Having sex isn’t supposed to be a source of anxiety. Don’t let someone else make it that way for you.

Love,

Emily

Submit your questions about love and life to the Collegian’s advice column.

Emily Sakamoto ’16 is an English major with a concentration in creative writing and a minor in messing with people’s personal lives, whether they ask for advice or not, from North Oaks, Minn. Contact her at sakamotoe@kenyon.edu.

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