Section: Opinion

Dear Emily: Tryna in Old K Basement

Dear Emily,
So I’ve been dating this guy for a while now and generally we’ve been pretty good, but lately we’ve had the stupidest issue that’s been affecting our relationship: when we go to parties in DKE lounge he cries because he doesn’t want to dance. It’s not a big deal really — I can go out with other people — but it’s never the ideal place for that interaction. What should I do about this?
Advice wanted,

Tryna in Old K Basement

 

Dear Tryna in Old K Basement,
Your boyfriend sounds like a definition softboi. For those who don’t know what a softboi is, I highly recommend the Medium article “Have You Encountered the Softboy?” It changed my life. The first thing you need to know about a softboi is that he’s probably a sad boi, too — a deadly combination. If he’s crying because he doesn’t want to dance on a beer-soaked dance floor, he’s a weenie. Go dance with your friends; leave him at home. Or he can decide that he doesn’t have to dance at the party. He can go drink canned beer in the corner instead and suffer his own existence. If the crying persists past just Old K, that’s a larger problem. That means he’s a perpetual softboi sad boi. Thus I ask: Does this bother you enough? If it does, bring it up to him. If he cries while you do that? All I’m going to say is, I don’t do crying. No one come crying to me. I will awkwardly pat your shoulder and offer you a cheese nip. Quite frankly, if he’s 20 years old, or even 19, crying to get out of something is ridiculous. I hope he’s reading this. I wouldn’t put up with that, so you’re obviously a much more patient person than me, though that’s not hard to be. This is the kind of situation where you’re going to have to confront him. It’s the softboi nature to attempt to guilt you into this co-dependence. Nip it in the bud.
Good luck. You could just ditch him before you go dance and hand him a pack of tissues on the way out to soak up those sad boi tears.
Love,

Emily
Emily Sakamoto ’16 is an English major with a concentration in creative writing and a minor in messing with people’s personal lives, whether they ask for the advice or not, from North Oaks, Minn. Contact her at sakamotoe@kenyon.edu

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