I hooked up with this guy on Halloween and I keep seeing him around the library and the servery and I don’t know how to act around him. Do I just ignore him completely, like nothing happened? Do I just say “hi” when he walks by and move on? Do I actually try to talk with him? What’s the protocol for talking to someone after you’ve hooked up with them?
Dear Halloween Help,
This all hinges on what kind of hookup it was. Since it was Halloween, I’m guessing it was some sort of mix of a few too many Keystone Lights, a dark PEEPS lounge and some dancing to Tyga that led to a few sloppy kisses and then a hookup that resulted in you waking up next to someone in a taco costume and questioning how the evolution of mankind led you there.
Hooking up is weird. Waking up butt-naked next to someone you barely know is probably one of the weirdest feelings in the world, other than submerging your hand in a bowl of straight-up Jell-O. But avoiding that person is going to make it even more awkward. It’s comical that I’m giving this advice because I am the queen of ghosting, but ghosting is probably the last thing you should do in this situation. If you see him in the servery or around campus, just smile and say “hi.” He might recoil and look confused or like you punched him in the gut, but that’s his problem, not yours.
Now for the real questions: Do you have his number? Do you want to see him again? If you actually like him, this is a completely different scenario. In that case, definitely say “hi.” You want him to remember you, and not just the you who was covered in Keystone Light on the sticky Old Kenyon dance floor. If you’re interested in seeing him — and this goes for everyone who has ever hooked up with someone and wants to see them again — reach out, make a move, say hi for God’s sake.
We all hook up on the weekends and come Sunday brunch we see our momentary insignificant other in Peirce and suddenly it’s as if the salad bar is the most interesting thing we’ve ever seen in our lives; we can’t tear our eyes from that damned cold well of broccoli and kale. It’s something we all have to work on — being friendly, being civil, even after a hookup. Whether it’s a good or a bad hookup may determine how you act around each other in public afterward, but remember that at one point they were in your bed or you were in theirs (and you most likely have something left of theirs in your room). I’m simply here to offer suggestions, a fairy godmother with a bit of a sailor’s mouth and emotional baggage. Feel free not to take it. But my recommendation? Reach out. Talk to him. Smile when he passes. Be friendly. There’s nothing to lose.
I’ve recently decided to major in the social sciences, as I’m most interested in my classes in that division and have enjoyed them the most. I am, however, very worried about finding a career in my chosen field. I don’t yet know my interests strongly enough to have a plan, but I feel like I should have one, even though I have a few years before I need to know what I want to do.
Lost in Smather
Dear Lost in Smather,
What you’re feeling is totally normal. I came into Kenyon on the pre-med track, intending to double major in biology and English; I’ve since diverted into being just an English major with a concentration in creative writing. And it took me a long time to be OK with the potential abyss that is my future as a humanities major. You should take the classes you want and love, because enjoying learning is just as important as the information you learn.
Like you said, you’ve got a few years to figure out where your major will take you. Just because you’re taking classes in a certain field doesn’t mean you’re going to end up there. An anthropology major isn’t necessarily going to end up at a dig in Turkey — they may turn out a professor, an editor for a journal, a lawyer. You are not boxed in by your major. There are endless things you can do in jobs beyond the usuals of doctor and lawyer. Let us all remember Kim Kardashian was once Paris Hilton’s assistant. Maybe Jeni’s Splendid Ice Creams is looking for somebody who just samples ice cream all day. Don’t let your parents or friends or social anxiety make you worry about what you’re going to do. First you have to figure out what you love, and then apply that to whatever it may be applicable to, whether that’s being a high school soccer coach, traveling the world as a business writer or running for mayor. Do what you love and what you’re good at, and one day you’ll find something that makes you happy. After all, isn’t happiness what we’re all looking for? If that’s the case, I’m looking for a giant donut filled with money.
Emily Sakamoto ’16 is an English major with a concentration in creative writing and a minor in messing with people’s personal lives, whether they ask for advice or not, from North Oaks, Minn. Contact her at firstname.lastname@example.org.