Is it really that bad not to wear shoes in the shower?
Dear Lazy Feet,
If you shower in some kind of communal shower, be it at the KAC or in a dorm, yes, you need shoes. Not wearing them is nasty. You know how little kids take swim lessons and traipse around the locker room and the swimming area barefoot and later need to get their warts frozen off? Think how much dirtier college students are. We shotgun in those showers. We do dirty things in those showers. We are dirty people, grimy, like characters out of a Dickens novel. Imagine a romantic interest giving you a foot massage some day. There are candles around, music in the background. They pull off your shoes. You look at each other. Then off come the socks. And there, beneath those Hanes not–nearly–100–percent–cotton–they–lied socks, are disgusting feet, gnarled with scars from a college bathroom floor, fungus and all.
Do you really want that? I think not. Wear shower shoes. Please.
Emily Sakamoto ’16 is an English major with a concentration in creative writing and a minor in messing with other people’s personal lives — whether they ask for advice or not — from North Oaks, Minn. Contact or send a query to her at email@example.com.