My ex has spoken so horribly about me to their friends — once our mutual friends — that they’ve taken my ex’s side. I don’t know this for sure, but if it’s true, it doesn’t seem fair. I miss my friends. What do I do?
Dear Custody Battle,
In this situation, you need to speak up. Presumably, these friends are half yours, half your ex’s — you should be able to speak to them plainly enough about what happened. When a couple breaks up in college, it’s like a divorce. You split friends down the middle, choose separate territories: one may get New Side, the other Old Side.
I agree that if your ex turned your mutual friends against you for no reason (was there a reason?), that’s unjust and rude as hell. But there should be a way to share your friends with your ex. For example, if the group’s main hang is usually a meal, alternate meals: you get lunch, they get dinner — see if that works for now.
From experience, it doesn’t go well to pit friends against an ex; it only draws out how horrible the breakup is. My advice is to be honest and up-front with your friends: ask them what you did wrong, and say that you still want to be friends with them, even if they’re friends with your ex.
Emily Sakamoto ’16 is an English major with a concentration in creative writing and a minor in messing with people’s personal lives, whether they ask for the advice or not, from North Oaks, Minn. Contact her at email@example.com.