Section: Opinion

The true confessions of a full time ginger

Historically and presently, gingers always seem to get the short end of the stick. In the Middle Ages, Saint Gregory of Tours recounts an instance when a redhaired man wore a shoe on his head for fear of offending a Christian bishop (holla at Professor of History Jeff Bowman for that fact). Today, names such as “carrot top” plague elementary school existences everywhere. However, being a ginger has unending benefits that are often overlooked by the general public. I have provided Kenyon students with a modest list of advantages bestowed upon gingers:

1. Ginger men and women, on average, have a higher tolerance to mechanical pain (physical pinching or other tissue deformation) than those with any other hair type.

2. We also require around 20 percent more anesthesia to be sedated.

3. Red hair is the rarest of all hair colors (we make up only two percent of the world’s population). That in itself makes us pretty majestic.

4. The Romans even believed that after death, redheads would become vampires. **sparkle sparkle**

5. Redheads are often featured in famous works of art. Thus, we are natural muses.

6. There is a day in the Netherlands dedicated to gingers called “Red Head Day.” Obviously, the Dutch know what’s up.

7. You never lose gingers in Peirce because with their hair they always stand out of the crowd.

8. Scholars have noticed that gingers have influenced history beyond the proportion of their numbers in the actual population: Roman emperor Nero, Helen of Troy, Queen Elizabeth I, Emily Dickinson, Thomas Jefferson, Vincent van Gogh, Mark Twain, Prince Harry, Ariel from The Little Mermaid and the whole Weasley family have made their mark on history while sporting luminous red locks.

9.  Ginger apparel. You got it, there is a company dedicated with selling ginger-themed items. Check it out: My personal favorite is a t-shirt that reads, “I’ve got 99 problems, but having a soul isn’t one.”

10.  On the subjects of souls, gingers also are stereotypically relieved of the burden of having a soul. Emotions are messy and a simply a waste of energy. But, gingers will never have such emotional issues. Clearly we are evolutionarily superior.

11.  We have our own fan club. Like any major band or cultural movement, gingers have their own groupies. They are those individuals who identify with having a ginger fetish. If you don’t believe me, just check out Kenyon Confessions — they’re out there.

12. All everyone wants to do is stand out. As a ginger, you already naturally stand out, so you can spend your energy doing more interesting things, like knitting or reading.

Lauren Corn ’15 is a studio art major from Port Angeles, Wash. She can be contacted at


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